Unveiling Happiness; The Expedition

For Your Amigos Foundation, Authored by Devas Boban

The Classroom

2012, a cold afternoon. I could see fog entering my classroom through the open windows and the door. Sitting in the class and listening to the lecture was found to be a mammoth task. Bunking the class was a useless process, because the college was situated in the outskirts and nothing other than couple of coffee shops exist around. Suddenly my mind woke up; a campus recruitment is happening in the afternoon at the college campus. A perfect reason to formally bunk the class with attendance! The non-verbal communication which was taught in the management classes was used to pass the information to a couple of my friends to join me for the bunking ceremony.

The Company Orientation

The work nature, hours of work, salary etc. were discussed during the orientation process. Working hard to earn was an unacceptable theory for many of us, which lead my friends to boycott the orientation right there. I still had no intention to go back to the class, so I stayed. I decided to go through all the selection processes to kill time. The recruitment manager asked us to move to the college auditorium after an aptitude test. I was cool all the time since I had no intention to get selected.

The ‘TASK’

I heard the recruitment manager asking us to form a circle with the chairs and sit, so that everyone could face one another. The first task was seemed simple for everyone but not for me. The task was – Speak in English for 5 minutes, what so ever the topic is. I almost had a heart attack because I never had to speak in English ever in my life. It happened as I expected. My vocal code was frozen! Nothing other than air came from my throat when I stood up to speak. The recruitment manager looked at me. That moment when I saw his eyes seemed like saying this to me - “I found that person who came here to waste everyone’s time”. I Couldn’t even complete a single sentence in English. I sat there with my head down.

The second Chance

After completing everyone’s speech, the recruitment manager came to me and asked “Will you be able to write something at least?  I wrote about ‘My Mom’ with a Shakespeare attitude. I gave my paper to him which I believed mind blowing. I could see him trying not to be sarcastic as possible, but still he said: “You are not a 4^th grade child to write short note on your mom. I am going to give you a topic ‘Corruption’ and you have to speak about it”. The topic was familiar to me since it is a general topic of discussion even in the local tea shops. But words flew above my head laughing at my poor language skills. The mountain of embarrassment embraced me saying “Good job boy!”

The Unexpected

It was about to wind up the selection processes. The recruitment manager came to me. He smiled. I tried to smile back but not sure how successful I was. He said “I am going to select you for the training which is will be happening at Mysore. There is a test at the end of the training and I’m not sure if you can go through. It will be a good opportunity for you to see the world though.” I started believing in miracles on that day.

 The New World

I found resemblance in my heartbeat and the DJ parties which I have seen in the movies, when I entered the Mysore campus of Infosys. I kept all my stuff in the room allotted to me and started roaming around. I took photographs, explored every corner of the campus and since I knew I will fail for test and had to go back to my village. There happened to be places where I had to confront with human beings which I tried to avoid. I was scared because I will have to speak in English. My trainer turned to be a villain who targeted me in every task we do. He made me speak in front of the crowd, He made me sing which I believe was a punishment for my colleagues, and He also asked me questions during the session. Everything I did was new, everyone I met was different from me, what ever I heard created a new perspective.

The D- Day

I was not tensed during the test, rather I wished to see the person who recruited me during the campus placement, just to say thank you. The test got over and within two days results came. Seven out of fifty in my batch passed and I was one among the seven. I still don’t know what happened, but I understood the feel of winning a lottery that day.

Kannada Gottilla!

I was placed in Bangalore for work and the first thing I learnt in Kannada was ‘Kannada Gottilla’ (Don’t know Kannada), which I could use often. I got a fixed shift and days passed. One day, when I entered my office building, I saw a person coming out on a wheelchair after his shift. I felt so good seeing him working like every other person irrespective of his disability. It was also an incident that raised a big question to myself; am I doing enough in my life, and it started repeating every day.

The Diversion

The continuous questioning of my reason for existence and the discontent it created lead me researching of what I could do in life. I don’t know if passion and beef will go along. But for me, it did. I decided to do my Master of Social Work degree from Rajagiri, Kochi. I haven’t though about any other institution not just because the college was the best social work institute in the state or of its reputation. I never got good beef in Bangalore and I knew the situation is not different in any other state in India.

The Social Worker

The two year social worker degree not just taught me the theories and methods of social work, the various field work days also provided me with experiences of living without a bathroom, not getting proper food, sleepless nights and taught me how to smile at people who abuse you with their beautiful words. I found life in every experience I had. I saw many faces with tears, anger, disappointment, helplessness, anxiety and sometimes faces with no emotion. Someday, you see an optimistic smile or hear a positive word from them, not soon but it requires a patient mind, an empathetic heart and an attitude of perseverance. I consider it as one of the best two years in my life.

The job doesn’t feel like a ‘work’ when you love what you do for living!

If you are a person whose criteria for happiness is doing what you love, your job is a major determinant of the score. Working with children, women and communities in the diverse grassroots villages of the country opened the door for new perspectives. When some of my friends were craving for a Sunday to come, I tried to visit and spend time with children. Each child I worked with and each family I met in the communities had a story to say and feelings to share with. I could see people who find happiness in the little things in life irrespective of them being living in the slums and having vulnerable financial and health conditions. It is easy to say don’t give up in life, but we will learn how people to do it while seeing those lives. I have made mistakes and learnt from it, but I would always quote ESAF to explain the autonomy it gave me in decision making and the trust the organization had while doing something new.

Questioning Myself

I was happy for my job, but we all might have that point where you question yourself about the scope of doing better. The answer to that question ended up me being in Indian School of Development Management NOIDA. I found the place weird because I found no one like me. Everyone was different in many aspects like education background, the state they come from, the work experience they possessed and the difference in their perspectives due to all those aspects. There were people from 19 states. I saw a writing on the wall saying, “You learn the most from the people who are not like you” and it was right. I realized the long distance I should travel in the learning spectrum while listening to my mates and faculties. I felt judging what is right and wrong is a gray area and what we all have is different perspectives. I struggled to be vocal in the interactive sessions that happened. I was not successful in showcasing my learning and achievements in most of the assessments. But I am sure, I could ask some right questions regarding what I have learnt in the past, my thinking, my believes, my perspectives about people, development, and different aspects of life.

The loser!

One day, I was travelling in an auto rickshaw. People honking for no reason, motor bikes sneaking into the footpaths, buses taking wrong side and to confront with all those annoying scenes, I used the main weapon which we all use most of the time. I took my phone and opened Facebook where everyone is an activist, a stylist, a traveler, a photographer etc. The first post prevented me from scrolling down. I felt numb when I saw ‘Rest in Peace’ on top of one of my friends’ photo. He was young, always had a smiling face and a warmth nature. It was melancholic to hear that; the decision was made by him to end his life. Some of us might have had experiences like this and I’ve heard people calling them losers. But are they? Who among us have never felt like ending our life at least once in our lifetime? Its just that we were able to overcome that moment. The reasons could be having someone to share with or a mild hope we found somewhere. We all have people around us, who will be smiling outside, who are not able to share what they feel due to the fear of judgement or lack of trust. It is our duty and responsibility to listen to people around, to ask if they are OK, to make them feel that we exist when they have a problem. If my friend decided to give up on his/her life, it is my failure. I am the loser!

Days passed. I remember that night, I was awake, finding no way to sleep. Come on, this can’t be me. I am that person who sleeps right when the brain receives the signal even if the lights are on or voices around are loud. Past couple of weeks were still OK, I could ignore the thoughts that came to mind regarding the various problems faced by the children. I was able to think that the problem is not mine, it is someone else’s. I was good in normalizing everything by molding my mid to accept what is happening in the families and communities around. But this day, I couldn’t close my eyes. I was worried. I found myself guilty for ignoring what is happening around. I wanted to do what I can, for the children who suffer, who are ignored and finding no one to share with. But what if I fail when I try doing something? I am just an ordinary person and what if I get stuck in between? Sometimes we do wish to forget the hard times we had, the pain and the embarrassment during the failures we had in the past.  But those hard times make us feel confident to confront with our own fears. I decided to take a chance.

Not giving a Sanskrit name for your Organization?

When I decided to register the organization as a trust with a couple of good-hearten fellow beings, most of the people suggested me to use a Sanskrit name for the organization. They said, it is the unwritten custom of the Non-Profit world in India. But I decided to go with ‘Your Amigos Foundation’ which I found interesting for children of different age groups during a few interactions I had earlier. Amigo in Spanish is friend. Your Amigos Foundation will be a friend for the children; a friend who will listen to them without judgments, a friend who will help them realize their potential to confront with their issues.

Mental Health is absolutely an issue in the Development Sector! 

Mental Health is one of the most stigmatized areas in the development spectrum. There are discussions happening regarding the problems and development needs of health sector. But most of the time, mental health is being ignored. A report by the World Health Organization (WHO) revealed that 7.5 per cent of the Indian population suffers from some form of mental disorder. Mental illnesses constitute one-sixth of all health-related disorders and India accounted for nearly 15% of the global mental, neurological and substance abuse disorder burden. WHO also predicts that by 2020, roughly 20 per cent of India will suffer from mental illnesses. And to cater to this demographic, we have less than 4,000 mental health professionals. In country like India, which is on top of the youth population ratio, mental health must be given top priority. Be it depression, suicide, substance abuse, divorce, learning disorders, and socio-psychological issues, it is on alarming rate today and it mainly affects the productive group of people who contribute to the development of the nation in all aspects.

It is not easy, but worth trying it!

It is not easy working in schools and communities promoting positive mental health. When we try supporting children with socio-psychological needs, the acceptance of parents and communities is hard to acquire. Sometimes, they don’t even want us to talk to children because of the social stigma and discrimination attached with mental health. Through research oriented and context specific education, programs and policies, it is possible to bring changes.

Once I was discussing how to find financial resources to take things forward. Someone said- “There is no visible problems for your target group. They talk, walk, laugh and live like everyone else. You don’t have anything to create sympathy in people so that they donate money for the things that you do.” I found it as a joke, but it is a point of discussion. The lack of quick and tangible improvement and impacts in the mental health sector, especially in the preventive aspects resist donors and supporters to provide assistance to organizations like this. It is also an ethical constraint to showcase the participants, if they had any sort of mental health issues.

There are no full stops here in the journey, rather during the challenges, a pause can be taken to learn better. I strongly believe people, knowledge and resources will integrate with the vision and value the organization stand for.  Your Amigos Foundation will continue taking efforts to support children and families in preventing and confronting with the social and psychological issues.