Lost in The Race of Patriarchy

 An Unhealthy Living Amidst the Patriarchal Encounters

For Your Amigos Foundation, Authored by Vishnupriya S

"Let’s talk about equality but mind you, stay within your limits. Let women rise but mind you, don't hold your head high. Let women wear their happy clothes, but mind you don't expose your skin. Let women be of the free spirit, but mind you, watch your tone, and don't laugh out loud."-MN Fathimath Amaana

It has been the decade of women empowerment but the clutches of patriarchy run deep down that it is almost impossible to run away from it. From the day we can remember, men or boys, in India, are given a premium lifetime membership to be everything they choose to be while women or girls are limited to the free trial. Little do they know that every time you deny something that a girl yearns for, her mind registers a black mark an unhealthy and unhappy mark. This grows over the years and by the time she is a youngster or an adult, it will be pitch black. Her choices do not affect her mental health but the ones that the patriarchy imposes on her do.

Being a 23 year old, I’ am not allowed out of the house unless it is something important or I’ am with my family, but my brother, who is 14, has the privilege of roaming about and coming home anytime he pleases. The sad part is, it is justified by my parents. They say “You are a girl. You need to be in your limits”. Well, what is this limit? I still don't understand. Many of us, for that matter, wonder why things are the way it is. This dreadful question hinders our happiness. It questions our very own existence, makes us vulnerable, ending up thinking we are not worth it; just mere creatures born and brought up to meet the needs of the people around us. Well, if that is not a miserable life, what is? 

It is said you become a bad parent; from the moment you deny your daughter the same privileges which is allowed for your son. So, are you the bad parent, daughter, or the privileged son? According to the societal notion it is said to be good parenting but it is pure patriarchy eating up every right woman or girl is entitled to. They say it is small things like staying home, keeping yourself safe, cooking for everyone, choosing home over career. But note it, it is the small things that take up all the space. The small things that pile up to form a pool of stress and unhappiness that lives on till the end of times. The funny part is that no matter how much women excel; the patriarchy still holds the strings. Women are like puppets in their own lives. 

Schools and workplaces, are too, bound by patriarchy. Teachers punish boys by making them sit in between girls as if it is some sort of insult; girls do not get to play cricket or football - maybe stick to badminton or hide and seek. Promotions and job security are denied because women procreate, so their maternity period will leave the company at risk. Well, it is unlucky that men can’t procreate but again, who is to blame?

How uncomfortable is this? How fair is it that you do not get to choose your life? How condemned is that the day you were born your whole life has been decided by somebody else? How pathetic is that people decide whether the girl child should be born or walk the face of the earth.?

The answers can be heartbreaking and life-crushing but it will be mere answers because we of all people know that when women rise to heights there are always people trying to bury her and on the other side, some are buried even before their first step.

It is said that charity begins at home. Well, everything begins at home, including respect and equality. It is high time that parents stop restricting their daughters and give them free will. Who loses, anyway? No one.

You shouldn’t remind your daughter every day that she is brought up to be married off to a man and take care of his home. Just let her be and sometimes she may be the best chance her parents will have at living a great life, you never know. 

                                            

 

                                              So, let's talk about mental health amidst the patriarchy. Let's talk about equal rights amidst the patriarchy, Let's talk about flying high, amidst the patriarchy. Let's talk about breaking walls, amidst the patriarchy. Let's talk about a Utopian society with no patriarchy.

Quoting Made in Heaven, “That’s all it took to shatter centuries of patriarchy. A tiny moment of courage.” The question is, how many of us are courageous enough, and how many of us will survive the storm?